I didn’t want to go to church.

I’m going to be very honest in the post…

On New Years Eve I was with a friend and we were looking for a place to watch fireworks. He had seen an ad on Facebook for a local church doing fireworks and suggested it. My first thought? “I don’t want to go to a church where I don’t know people.” Now, yes, that reaction was heavily influenced by my introverted nature. But the thought honestly surprised me. The next day I wanted to sit down and unpack why I felt that way.

Why didn’t I want to go to church?

I didn’t want to deal with the rapid fire questions I knew would come my way.

I didn’t want to deal with any judgement (just in general about anything).

I didn’t want to feel like an outcast with the “clicks” that tend to form.

Then I thought, if I feel this way, a children’s pastor at my church, how much more do other people who don’t already attend a church, don’t already know Jesus, don’t already have a relationship with Him, how much more do they feel this way? 

I can’t change culture, I can’t change peoples minds, I can’t change people who don’t attend church rushing to judgement about how people inside will be nor can I change people in the church judging the visitors.

What can I do?
Change my thinking. Change my heart. Pray.

I can love those around me like Jesus loves. I can show them the freedom in repentance, surrender, and a changed life for Jesus. It’s not about a raised hand one Sunday morning, it’s not about a kneeling moment at the altar. Those are wonderful amazing things and needed! I lift my hands every service and love to sit at the feet of Jesus at the altar! But thats not all. We must surrender every day. Lay down our lives every day. Pray every day. Seek Him every day. It’s a relationship.

We need to build relationships with people in our community, with the local church, with our friends and family that don’t know Jesus. We need to stop telling them “don’t do this, don’t do that, stop doing this, I’m not speaking to you until you change.” If they’re shunned from the only Light that is in their life how will they find Jesus?

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” John 15:12

My job is not to make people feel guilty for their sin and guilt trip them into repentance, repeat a prayer they don’t understand, then expect them to never waiver, never struggle, and be the perfect attendance church-goer. Uh, no. My job is to share Jesus. That’s it. Share His love, share His sacrifice, share the Gospel. The Holy Spirit will do the rest. Will we trust Him to do that? Will we allow Him to do His work?

Loving people that don’t know Jesus, loving visitors, being human and interacting with other humans in general, is messy. We are a messy bunch. But Jesus. In the middle of the woman at the well’s mess, her sin, her shame, Jesus spoke to her. In the middle of Peters confusion and near drowning, Jesus reached out and saved Him. In the middle of the woman with the issue of blood shame, she didn’t want any one to see her or notice her, Jesus healed her and saw her. He sees us. He sees you. In the middle of my mess, in the middle of my sin and shame, He saw me, He sees me.

“I found you in the middle of my mess,

You had been there all along,

Open arms and open heart you called me in,

You didn’t hesitate at all.”(Prophecy Your Promise

~ Brian and Katie Torwalt)

Jesus didn’t ask me, doesn’t ask me, to have it all figured out and be perfect before I come to Him. No, He tells me to come as I am. Sometimes we make our walk with the Lord and our sharing the Gospel with people an either/or type thing. You either hear  condemnation and you are awful if you struggle and shame and guilt, or, you hear love and acceptance of anything and everything. I don’t like either one of those.

What can I do?
Change my thinking. Change my heart. Pray.

Scripture tells us to repent and change but that doesn’t always happen in a split second decision to follow Christ. It is a walk, a work, every day. That is where we love people. Love them before they know Jesus, show His love. Love them as they make the decision to follow Jesus, show His heart for them, love them as they struggle and make mistakes, extend grace and mercy as Jesus has to us. All the while teaching repentance and change, the Holy Spirit will convict, He will do His part. Will we?

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By Truth6 Comments on I didn’t want to go to church

6 Replies to “I didn’t want to go to church”

  1. Raising my hand over here with all the other introverts. What I’ve found most helpful for me is to think not of how church will make me feel (or any other public environment), but rather to look for ways I can bless others. When my focus shifts onto a heart of ministry and serving, my own anxieties and insecurities tend to naturally diminish.

  2. As an introvert, I can relate to feeling this way about going new places. Yet at the same time my heart breaks that people feel this way at church, though I know it’s not irrational. All we can do is love Jesus with all of us and love His people the best we can, and trust that He is working in the rest.

    1. Yes! That’s how I felt! I understood the feeling from an introvert who loves Jesus aspect but felt so broken for those on the outside that stay away. Yes! Love like Jesus!

  3. As a fellow introvert, I relate! Sometimes I don’t even want to go to family get-togethers! Much less someone else’s church, or strike up a conversation at the park…

    But you are right. If I start with prayer, and think about the good things that can happen instead of the what-ifs, it makes a big difference!

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